It’s not about you. It hasn't been about you. It’s never been about you. If he cheats, it’s a character flaw that he, and he alone has ‘want’ to change in himself - completely.
We all know how the saying goes, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Right?
Well, maybe so, but according to the author of the article, Why I Cheated on All the Women I Loved,” a cheater can change his stripes, but he has to see the connection in being a better person for himself, before he could pour his monogamy heart into the woman that has equally given him her’s.
“If he loves me, he wouldn't have cheated on me?”
Sure ladies we would all hope to think so, but this may go without saying, a man can love you and still find a way to be unfaithful -- if he chooses too.
Afterall, in the words of the legendary Tina Turner, “What’s love got to do with it?”
I understand that to some women, love has everything to do with it.
Though a revelation of an affair, emotional or physical indiscretions, can be a devastating blow to any relationship, some women often equate their partners unfaithfulness as something women may have done wrong, could have done better, or possibly not have done at all.
“If you have been cheated on, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU,” the author mentions. “Believe me when I tell you that if someone has cheated on you -- IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.”
If it’s not women's fault, why did the author decide to live a life of an habitual cheater?
“I cheated because that’s who I was. I was a cheater. I didn’t cheat because of the person I was with. I cheated because of the person I was,” the author said. “I can honestly say that I had the good fortune of having some really great women in my life, and that did not stop me from cheating.”
Not only did the author cheat on his wife, but confessed to cheating “on all girlfriends, before and after marriage.”
He would blame or come to the realization that his cheating may have correlated to the people he surrounded himself with.
“All my friends cheated on their girlfriends and wives. My personal philosophy and my mindset at the time made it acceptable for me to cheat,” he said. “That was the reason I hung around with people who cheated. I wanted to be where my behavior was acceptable.”
By developing a new mindset of beliefs and an entirely new philosophy, the author was able to make a conscious decision not to change his cheating ways, but “to change his ways” of being a better overall person.
“I decided I was going to become the best me that I could be,” he said. “I was not satisfied with my physical, emotional, financial, social, or relationship status quo. I was not satisfied with any area of my life, and I made a decision to change.
And in doing so, he stopped hanging around the triggers that became his permission to cheat.
“I no longer hang out with people who cheat. I don’t gather in places or with people where cheating is acceptable.” Why? “Because that goes against the person that I have worked so hard in becoming.”
To the author, if one wishes to bury the, “once a cheater always a cheater” notion, one simply has to put in the work to do so. “Just like anything you want to change in life the only way a person will ever stop cheating is if they decided to become a person who does not cheat.”
The author does leave one final piece of advice. Though he does mention that it’s not the cheatee’s fault if their partners is unfaithful, however, if it becomes a repeat offense in every relationship you encounter, it may be time for to take a step back and evaluate yourself, the choices you are making and the people you are attracting into your life.